Kasich at the Bat
The polling wasn’t looking good for the Establishment that year
Seven Governors had dropped out quick, but the path was hardly clear
Perry was the first to drop; then Walker did the same
Jindal never got a chance, and Chris Christie played the game
Ben Sasse from Nebraska urged a split in disarray,
The Speaker and the Leader grumbled they ought to stay
And all through this, for months on end, Ohioans knew a guy
in Johnny Kasich, their own Gov, who the establishment should try.
But the establishment went with brother Bush and then with Marco R
The former’s baggage weighed him down, the latter couldn’t star
And media-types, they ran amok and debating ratings soared
But in all the months of coverage, Governor Kasich was ignored
Jeb couldn’t make is past his name and took a drubbing early on
And Rubio soon followed, lost Florida, then was gone
So there it was as plain as day, laid bare for all to see:
The crowded field of seventeen had narrowed down to three
A thousand-thousand Tweets implored the voters “Never Trump”
(Though those who most malign the man make money from his grump)
The Tweets resounded all the way from New York to DC
And thus they came to Kasich, the Gov who didn’t flee.
The oft-quoted maxim reads that “nice guys finish last”
But Kasich’s image handlers felt that this sentiment has passed
When voters find themselves in times of tumult such as these
The proper thing, Gov Kasich thought, is to put them back at ease.
“Let’s not deport all Muslims” Kasich said unto the crowd
“Perhaps it’s best we welcome neighbors with principles, unbowed”
Then he went and recounted that his dad delivered mail
(An all-to-often cited fact whilst he’s been on the trail).
“We’ve reduced our taxes” Kasich grins, “we care for those in need”
“We’ve brought back jobs and pushed for hope regardless of your creed”
When tasked with balancing budgets, Kasich’s been on the ball
“But most important,” Kasich knows “I’ll beat Hillary in the Fall”
So the votes came in Ohio and Kasich finished out on top
“We’re gonna keep on going. Pennsylvania’s our next stop.”
The last of many figures left on the establishment marquee
Hoping to go to Cleveland, then, and be the nominee.
[This rhyme, of course, ends here on three-seventeen
I might updated it if anything new or fun is seen
The delegate math is brutal for Kasich to get ahead
But at an open convention, it matters little who has led.
Kasich’s share of delegates is one-hundred forty three
That’s many hundreds fewer than where he’d like to be
With Trump nearing seven-hundred and Cruz at four-eleven
Kasich has no “voting chance” to reach twelve-thirty-seven
But if that number evades them all and none get full first-place
Then we can see how Kasich was wise to run the race
For in an open convention, on ballots then unbound
John Kasich has the outside chance to be the common ground.
And so with this I’ll leave you, unlike the piece from which I stole,
Perhaps a bit more optimistic in this “poem before the poll”:
The establishment is reeling and only Trump gets on TV
But there may yet be some hope for John to be our next VP]