Matt McDaniel

3 minute read

In the wake of yet another knifing, I must add my voice to the growing chorus of individuals now calling for knife control. Now.

For too long, concerned Americans have sat on the sidelines as “knife nuts” have claimed to be using knives safely in their own homes. Without permits and with the ability to buy knives online without any waiting period, we have flooded our society with these implements of death. Lurking in our kitchens, wholly unguarded by any locks or protections, sits a menace. Within arms’ reach of our smallest children or emotional teens, there are knives.

We can see the average household with over five different kinds of knives. You don’t need that many knives! How many times are you really going to be cleaving meat? Do you really eat steak enough to justify that many knives for that purpose? Or are you just preparing an arsenal?

Belittling and misleading titles like “Safety scissors” and “butter knives” have conned generations into believing that the knife menace is not real.

We have seen the brutality of knives in the past. As recently as three hundred years ago, all of the major battles on Earth were waged by armies wielding assault knives. And yet, somehow, we think of them as decorations. Imagine if Romans had instituted knife control! Caesar would have survived the Ides!

Our entertainment and media is full of knife glorification that gets passed right on to our children. How many of you have seen your sweet and innocent child pick up a stick from the yard and pretend that it’s a knife? From the brutality and patriarchy of Aragorn from Lord of the Rings to the lightsabers (a fancy name for a dolled-up knife) of religious zealot Obi-Wan Kenobi fighting his Star Wars, our popular culture is inundated with knife-glorifying media that warps and distorts our youngest minds.

How many of you realized that, as you were slicing up your Thanksgiving turkey that your dearest family members were only inches away from a deadly knife? Especially in this holiday season when the Knife Lobby is pushing for you to “get Mom a brand new set of knives,” we need to remember that these are implements of death.

Congress has, for so long, refused to address the epidemic of knives around children. Even the medieval assault knives that came with safety scabbards were able to inflict countless deaths across the world. Today? It’s, at best, a wooden block. At worst? It’s a mere drawer. We cannot sit by as our knife-crazed culture continues to glorify these implements of death and leave them in the open.

In our schools, we have failed to implement “knife free zones.” With the constant barrage of knives our children face in the home and in the media, we have failed to keep them out of the wicked reach of knives while they are learning. Our government clearly does not care about the safety of our youngsters if we do not take immediate steps to curtail the prevalence of the knife menace at our schools and college campuses. How can we, with a straight face, claim that our colleges are safe spaces without getting rid of such a calamity waiting to happen?

If we fail to act now to enact common sense knife control, how can we call ourselves a free and open democracy? If we are able to put an end to knives (and other sharp objects– and objects that resemble sharp objects) at this generation, we will be doing the world a service for years to come.

We also must be vigilant about automobiles being used in violent attacks and must advocate for common sense car control in the coming days.


(Yes, this is satire)